Collected from the Net

[Debraj]

How to identify cities in INDIA??

Scenario 1
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth and they start arguing about who's right.
You are in Kolkata

Scenario 2
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks
on.
That's Mumbai

Scenario 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along & tries to make peace.The first two get together & beat him up.
That's Delhi

Scenario 4

Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and quietly opens a chai-stall
That's Ahmedabad.

Scenario 5
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes he writes a software program to stop the fight. But the fight doesn't stop b'cos of a bug in the program.
That's Bangalore

Scenario 6
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and
quietly says that "AMMA" doesn't like all this nonsense. Peace comes in.
That's Chennai.

Scenario 7
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their friends on mobile. Now 50 guys are fighting.
You are in Punjab

 

[Debraj]

After 48 years of marriage, an elderly Sindhi man in Mumbai calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I
have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of misery is enough!"

"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says.

"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!"

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of
this." She calls Mumbai immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are not getting divorced.

Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow.

Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR??" and she hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he
says, "It's all set. They're both coming for Diwali and paying their own airfare!"

 

[Debraj]

In one interview

officer--------------- what is ur name?
candidate--------- m.p.sir
officer--------------- tell me properly
candidate----------Mohan pal sir

offcer ---------------ur father's name?
candidate----------m.p. sir
officer---------------what does that mean?
candidate----------manmohan pal sir

officer----------------ur native place
candidate----------m.p.sir
officer----------------is it madhya pradesh?
candidate-----------no, munnur pal sir

officer----------------what is ur qualification?
candidate----------m.p. sir
officer-----------------(angrily) what is it?
candidate------------metric pass

officer------------------why do u need a job?
candidate-------------m.p. sir
officer-------------------and what does that mean?
candidate---------------money problem sir

officer---------------------describe ur personality
candidate---------------m.p. sir
officer---------------------explain urself clearly
candidate--------------magnanimous personality sir

officer-------------------this discussion is leading nowhere, you may go now
candidate--------------m.p. sir?

officer-------------------what is it now ?
candidate----------------my performance...?
officer---------------------m.p!!!!!
candidate---------------what is that sir?
officer----------------------mentally punctured

 

[ashwanyks]

EVERYONE MUST KNOW THIS

Let's say it's 6.15p m and you're going home (alone of

course), after an unusually hard day on the job.

You're really tired, upset and frustrated.



Suddenly you start experiencing severe pain in your

chest that starts to adiate out into your arm and up

into your jaw. You are only about five miles from the

hospital nearest your home. Unfortunately you don't

know if you'll be able to make it that far. You have

been trained in CPR, but the guy that taught the

course did not tell you how to perform it on yourself.



HOW TO SURVIVE A HEART ATTACK WHEN ALONE

Since many people are alone when they suffer a heart

attack, without help,the person whose heart is beating

improperly and who begins to feel faint, has only

about 10 seconds left before losing consciousness.



However,these victims can help themselves by coughing

repeatedly and very vigorously. A deep breath should

be taken before each cough, and the cough must be deep

and prolonged, as when producing sputum from deep

inside the chest.



A breath and a cough must be repeated about every two

seconds without let-up until help arrives, or until

the heart is felt to be beating normally again.



Deep breaths get oxygen into the lungs and coughing

movements squeeze the heart and keep the blood

circulating. The squeezing pressure on the heart also

helps it regain normal rhythm. In this way, heart

attack victims can get to a hospital. Tell as many

other people as possible about this. It could save

their lives!!



A cardiologist says If everyone who gets this mail

sends it to 10 people, you can bet that we'll save at

least one life. BE A FRIEND AND PLEASE SEND



THIS ARTICLE TO AS MANY FRIENDS ! AS POSSIBLE ....

 

[ashwanyks]

A LETTER TO SARDAR FROM HIS MOTHER

Dear Pyaarey Puttar

Vahe Guru. I'm writing this letter slow, because I know you cannot read fast.

We don't live where we used to live when you left home.
Your Dad read that most accidents happen 20km from home, so we moved 20 km.

I won't be able to send the new address, as the last Sardar who
stayed here took the house number with them for their new house......
so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine situated right above
the commode, though I'm not sure whether it works well.
Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and havn't seen them since.

The weather here isnt too bad. It rained only twice last week, the first time for 3days
and the second time for 4days.

Your Father has another job. He has 500 people under him. He cuts grass at the cemetery.

By the way I took Bahu to our new club's poolside.
The manager is a real Badmash. He told her two-piece swimming suit is not allowed in this club.
We were confused as to which piece should we remove.

Your sister had a baby this morning I havn't found out whether it's a girl or boy,
so I don't know whether you are an aunt or Uncle.

Your Uncle Jatinder fell in the nearby well. Some Men tried to pull him out,
but he fought them off bravely and died a valiantt death.
We cremated him and he burned for three days.

Your best friend Balwinder, is no more.
He died trying to fulful his father's last wish to be buried in the sea, after he died.
And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father.

THERE ISN'T MUCH MORE NEWS THIS TIME.NOTHING MUCH HAS HAPPENED

love mom


p.s. I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed

 

[ashwanyks]

IT IS NOT A STORY BUT A TRUE INCIDENT THAT HAPPENED IN AMERICA.

An Indian man walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to India on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Indian man hands over the keys to a new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank.
He produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the Indian for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Indian returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely,but we are a little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow ”$5,000"

The Indian replies: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return'"


Ah, the mind of the Indian...


This is why india is shining

 

[ashwanyks]

Interesting facts about Bill Gates:

1. Bill Gates earns US$250 every SECOND, that's about US$20 Million a DAY
and US$7.8 Billion a YEAR!

2. If he drops a thousand dollar, he won't even bother to pick it up bcoz
the 4 seconds he picks it, he would've already earned it back.

3. The US national debt is about 5.62 trillion, if Bill Gates were to pay
the debt by himself; he will finish it in less then 10 years.

4. He can donate US$15 to everyone on earth but still be left with US $5
Million for his pocket money.

5. Michael Jordan is the highest paid athlete in US. If he doesn't drink
and eat, and keeps up his annual income i.e. US$30 Million, he'll have to
wait for 277
years to become as rich as Bill Gates is now.

6. If Bill Gates was a country, he would be the 37th richest country on
earth.

7. If you change all of Bill Gate's money to US$1 notes, you can make a
road from earth to moon, 14 times back and forth. But you have to make
that road non-stop for 1,400 years, and use a total of 713 BOEING 747
planes to transport all the money.

8. Bill Gates is 40 this year. If we assume that he will live for another
35 years, he has to spend US$6.78 Million per day to finish all his money
before
he can go to heaven or hell.

Last but not the least:

If Microsoft Windows' users can claim US$1 for every time their computers
hang because of Microsoft Windows, Bill Gates will be bankrupt in 3 days

 

[pardha36]

Good Samaritans are supposed to be dead breed... this givesthe lie to that asumption. may your breed prolferate.
god bless you

EVERYONE MUST KNOW THIS

Let's say it's 6.15p m and you're going home (alone of

course), after an unusually hard day on the job.

You're really tired, upset and frustrated.



Suddenly you start experiencing severe pain in your

chest that starts to adiate out into your arm and up

into your jaw. You are only about five miles from the

hospital nearest your home. Unfortunately you don't

know if you'll be able to make it that far. You have

been trained in CPR, but the guy that taught the

course did not tell you how to perform it on yourself.



HOW TO SURVIVE A HEART ATTACK WHEN ALONE

Since many people are alone when they suffer a heart

attack, without help,the person whose heart is beating

improperly and who begins to feel faint, has only

about 10 seconds left before losing consciousness.



However,these victims can help themselves by coughing

repeatedly and very vigorously. A deep breath should

be taken before each cough, and the cough must be deep

and prolonged, as when producing sputum from deep

inside the chest.



A breath and a cough must be repeated about every two

seconds without let-up until help arrives, or until

the heart is felt to be beating normally again.



Deep breaths get oxygen into the lungs and coughing

movements squeeze the heart and keep the blood

circulating. The squeezing pressure on the heart also

helps it regain normal rhythm. In this way, heart

attack victims can get to a hospital. Tell as many

other people as possible about this. It could save

their lives!!



A cardiologist says If everyone who gets this mail

sends it to 10 people, you can bet that we'll save at

least one life. BE A FRIEND AND PLEASE SEND



THIS ARTICLE TO AS MANY FRIENDS ! AS POSSIBLE ....

 

[ashwanyks]

thank you pardha

Ashwany

 

[bharatk8]

hi aswani... nice story....another example .....one japanes executive working for suzuki opined during maruti project.......1 indian =10 japs. but 10indians=1jap......i.e.indian brain is best in world but we lack team spirit