A bit of humor

[rangarajan]

Dear Vince,Yr lattest is like ones & twos in a cricket game unlike the previous ones which were like Fours & sixes.No offence meant.Come out with more punch.Sorry,i am only a listener & very few to contribute.
With best wishes,
Ranga

 

[virgopal]

After getting all of Pope Benedicts luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesnt travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still
standing on the curb.

Excuse me, Your Holiness, says the driver, Would you please take your seat so we can leave?

Well, to tell you the truth, says the Pope, they never let me drive at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and Id really like to drive today.

Im sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. Id lose my job! And what if something should happen? protests the driver, wishing hed
never gone to work that morning.

Whos going to tell? Besides, there might be something extra in it for you, says the Pope with a smile.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the
airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.
(Remember, hes a German Pope.)

Please slow down, Your Holiness! pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.
Oh, dear God, Im gonna lose my license-and my job! moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.

I need to talk to the Chief, he says to the dispatcher. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that hes stopped a limo going a
hundred and five.

So bust him, says the Chief.

I dont think we want to do that, hes really important, said the cop.

The Chief exclaimed, All the more reason!

No, I mean really important, said the cop with a bit of persistence.

The Chief then asked, Who ya got there, the Mayor?

Cop: Bigger.

Chief: The Governor?

Cop: Bigger.

Chief: The President?

Cop: Bigger.

Well, said the Chief, Who is it?

Cop: I think its God!

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, What makes you think its God?

Cop: Hes got the Pope as a chauffeur.

 

[aca_trader]

After getting all of Pope Benedicts luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesnt travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still
standing on the curb.


Cop: I think its God!

The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, What makes you think its God?

Cop: Hes got the Pope as a chauffeur.

It was Superb.
I Had a Ravana's Laff.

Best Regards,
--Ashish

 

[virgopal]

Thank you Ashish, glad you liked it.I am sure many more will do so.
Gopal

 

[virgopal]

Here's another one:
WHEN DUBYA HAD A HEART ATTACK
George Bush has a heart attack and dies. Obviously, he goes to Hell,where the Devil is waiting for him. “I’m not sure what to do,” says the Devil. “you’re on my list, but I have no room for you. But since you definitely have to stay here, I am going to have to let someone else go.

“I’ve got three folks here who weren’t quite as bad as you. I’ll let one of them go, but you’ll have to take their place. I’ll even let you decide who leaves.”

Dubya thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The Devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and climbing out, over and over. Such was his fate in Hell. “No!” protests Bush. “I don’t think so. I am not a good swimmer, And I don’t think I could do that all day long”.
The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer, over and over, time after time. “No! I’ve got this problem with my shoulder, I would be in constant agony if all I could do was breaks rocks all day,” says George.
The Devil opened the third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky doing what she does best. George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, “Yeah, I can handle this.”
The Devil smiled and said “Ok, Monica, you’re free to go!”

 

[aca_trader]

Here's another one:
WHEN DUBYA HAD A HEART ATTACK
George Bush has a heart attack and dies. Obviously, he goes to Hell,where the Devil is waiting for him. Im not sure what to do, says the Devil. youre on my list, but I have no room for you. But since you definitely have to stay here, I am going to have to let someone else go.

Ive got three folks here who werent quite as bad as you. Ill let one of them go, but youll have to take their place. Ill even let you decide who leaves.

Dubya thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The Devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and climbing out, over and over. Such was his fate in Hell. No! protests Bush. I dont think so. I am not a good swimmer, And I dont think I could do that all day long.
The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer, over and over, time after time. No! Ive got this problem with my shoulder, I would be in constant agony if all I could do was breaks rocks all day, says George.
The Devil opened the third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky doing what she does best. George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, Yeah, I can handle this.
The Devil smiled and said Ok, Monica, youre free to go!

lol

 

[vince]

A man accompanied his wife to the doctor's office. After her checkup, the doctor called the husband into his office alone. He said, "Your wife is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your wife will surely die."

Each morning, fix her a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make her a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for her. Don't burden her with chores. Don't discuss your problems with her; it will only make her stress worse. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your wife will regain her health completely."

On the way home, the wife asked her husband. "What did the doctor say?" “He said you're going to die," he replied.

 

[vince]

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second, everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said he didn't realize that a little tap could scare him so much.

The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

 

[Saint]

A man accompanied his wife to the doctor's office. After her checkup, the doctor called the husband into his office alone. He said, "Your wife is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your wife will surely die."

Each morning, fix her a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make her a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for her. Don't burden her with chores. Don't discuss your problems with her; it will only make her stress worse. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your wife will regain her health completely."

On the way home, the wife asked her husband. "What did the doctor say?" He said you're going to die," he replied.

lol

 

[Saint]

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second, everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said he didn't realize that a little tap could scare him so much.

The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

......some nice ones,Vince!

Saint