World’s most Stupid Jokes
What was the last thing Columbus said to his sailors before getting on the ship?
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"Ok men, get on the ship"
(Actually, I read this joke and it made me laugh for a few minutes. Later, had a good time asking the same question to my folks, who all gave some serious answers and were annoyed when I gave them the punchline)
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And another....
Three guys are hiking through the woods when they find a lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie.
It booms "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes." The first guy immediately blurts out "I want a billion dollars." POOF, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50
The second man thinks for a bit, then says "I want to be the richest man alive." POOF, he's holding papers showing his net worth is now well over 100 billion.
The third guy thinks even longer about his wish, then says "I want my left arm to rotate clockwise for the rest of my life." POOF, his arm starts rotating.
The Genie tells them it's time for their second wish.
First guy says: "I want to be married to the most beautiful woman on earth." POOF, a stunning beauty wraps herself around his arm.
Second guy says "I want to be good-looking and charismatic, so I can have every girl I want." POOF, his looks change and the first guy's wife immediately starts flirting with him.
Third guy says "I want my right arm to rotate counter-clockwise until I die." POOF, now both his arms are rotating, in opposite directions.
The genie tells them to think very carefully about their third wish.
First guy does, and after a while says "I never want to become sick or injured, I want to stay healthy until I die." POOF, his complexion improves, his acne is gone and his knees don't bother him any more.
Second guy says "I never want to grow old. I want to stay 29 forever." POOF, he looks younger already.
Third guy smiles triumphantly and says "My last wish is for my head to nod back and forth until I die" POOF, he's now nodding his head and still flailing his arms around.
The genie wishes them good luck, disappears, and the men soon go their separate ways.
Many years later they meet again and chat about how things have been going. First guy is ecstatic: "I've invested the money and multiplied it many times over, so me and my family will be among the richest of the rich pretty much forever. My wife is a great and takes good care of me" Second guy smiles and says "Well, I built charities worldwide with a fraction of my wealth, I'm still the richest guy alive and also revered for my good deeds. I haven't aged a day since we last met, and yes, your wife is wildly in love with me."
Third guy walks in, flailing his arms around and nodding his head, and says:
"Guys, I think I messed up."
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I recently met a Chinese man in the US and got to know that his name was Kandaswami.
I asked him, "How did you ever get an Indian name like that being a Chinese?"
He said -"Many, many years ago when I first came to USA, I was standing in line at the Political Asylums Immigration Counter. The man in front of me was a Sri Lankan Tamil refugee. The lady at the counter looked at him and asked "What is your name?" He replied "Kanndaswami".
Then she looked at me and asked "What's your name?"
I said, "Sem Ting".
Though this is funny :
In the middle of a fight, husband said, "Let's not quarrel, let's discuss the things sensibly.
"No," said the wife angrily. "Every time we discuss sensibly, I lose!"
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Husband was seriously ill.
Doc to wife : Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant to him. Don’t discuss your problems with him. No TV serials, don’t stress him by asking for new clothes and jewellery… Do this for 1 year and he will be ok.
On the way home.
Husband : What did the doctor say ?
Wife : No chance for you to survive
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Human nature….
There was once a mouse that was in constant distress and worry about the cat. A magician had pity on the mouse and turned it into a cat. But then the cat was scared of the dog. So the magician turned it into a dog. But the dog was now afraid of the panther. So the magician turned it into a panther. Where upon, as a panther it was full of fear of the hunter....
At this point, the magician gave up, and turned it back into a mouse again saying 'Nothing I do for you is going to be of any help, because you have the heart of a mouse.....'
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And something's that's so true : Life is really simple. It's just the thinking and feelings that make it complicated....
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