Getting divorced am very depressed; may need advice

[Flock]

You will need proffessional help; legal as well as medical. Legal to help you sort out all the legal aspects and complications. Medical to treat her condition; it looks like she is sufferring from some mental disorder which must be treated.

The experts will be able to guide both of you out of your present problems. Since you said that your marriage is arranged, dont hesitate to discuss with her family and get their help and support.

All the best.

 

[traderwiz]

You will need proffessional help; legal as well as medical. Legal to help you sort out all the legal aspects and complications. Medical to treat her condition; it looks like she is sufferring from some mental disorder which must be treated.

The experts will be able to guide both of you out of your present problems. Since you said that your marriage is arranged, dont hesitate to discuss with her family and get their help and support.

All the best.

Thanks. But the fact is that people with such disorders (my soon to be ex including) refuse any sort of treatment. She will blame me and I blame her...Her parents refuse to even talk and even when they do, they keep insulting me and my family. I feel terrible just because I have a love-hate relationship. I made a final attempt a few days back but she refused to speak to me and wanted me to speak to her attorney. So I guess she is happier without me. I have no choice but to fight this thing out. Originally I was going to co-operate for her green card if she cooperated with this divorce. But now, since she is not co-operating, I am thinking about withdrawing my petition for her green card. Since she doesn't want to go for a mutual divorce.

 

[prabhu53]

Dear tradewiz,
As far as i know you are complicating your case by sponsoring her,if uscis gets a clue that the 2 of you are living apart(no matter who's fault) and yet ur falsely sponsoring her as ur wife,i promise you deportation proceedings against both of you will start ASAP as you would have lied on the application.This i can tell u with complete confidence as things have changed since 911.Forget trying to verify if she is a hind or a christian,file for a divorce asap as she is trying to emotionally blackmailing you and notify the uscis,that is your only chance of retaining your permanent residency.People often forget that green card holders can be deported,they do not have any kind of safety net to protect them.Just file for a divorce asap and send the docs to your local uscis center,they will initiate removal proceedings immeadiately.from your message i have a feeling the 2 of you were married out of u.s.a,plz correct me if i am wrong...If so then say if u were married in India than your divorce in India will definitely count.Plz forget the mexican idea and get things done legally..
All the best,be brave!

The fact is that when this incident where the cops came happened way back in October of 2006. Even though she beat me up, just before the cops came, she took a knife and cut her wrist and lied to the cops stating that i tried to rape her!!! And I should have filed for a divorce right that time. For whatever reason, we got back together. This was foolish on my part...

After we got back together, I did file for a divorce in the U.S (Aug 2007). I am so stupid that I decided to get back with her again. This was exactly during the time when she needed me to file the petition for her green card. She really "smooth talked" me......."we both could buy a house" etc. etc. and i am so stupid that i fell for it. Kind of like how u catch a rat by showing the cheese....So even though we lived separately for almost 1 year, i filed for her green card. Now this green card thing is taking almost 1 year before they even touch the application. (back when i got mine, used to take like 2 months). Now there is a high chance that she may get called for an interview to see "whether the marriage is genuine or not".
1) we don't own a house together.
2) we don't have any children
3) when we filed, i lived in california and she lived in Maryland
4) we both have separate bank accounts.

For every one who is reading this:

1) If u get divorced in India, is this valid in the u.s.?
2) If u get divorced in the U.S., is this valid in India?
3) There is some thing called a 'paper divorce' where i can get it in 2-3 weeks in Mexico or Caribbean without serving the paper to my wife. Would this be valid?
4) How long does a contested divorce take in India? Can a judge keep on giving her an adjournment if she refuses to come to India and keep giving all sorts of excuses?
5) How can I prove that she got converted officially i.e. baptized to Christianity? I am not biased or against christianity or any thing like that. (I was educated in a christian school in Madras and I respect all religions.) It's just that according to the Indian Marriage Act of 1954, this conversion itself is a grounds for divorce. Thing is I have no proof. And her attorney and mother are blatantly lying that she did not convert!!

Thanks to all

 

[traderwiz]

Thanks Prabhu.

You are right. I have been hesitating to inform the USCIS out of pity. Actually at the time of application, I did try to reconcile with her and did remove the divorce petition. I am a U.S. citizen not a green card holder. I got married to her both in India as well as in the U.S. :-( (This was her idea so she can come to u.s.a. quickly). Now I am stuck with this.

 

[ravalsb]

Dear Friend,

Feeling sorry for you. First i was about to advice you to reconcile with her but after reading the entire thread, it seems you are doing right thing by applying for divorce.

Obviously you will have to take legal opinion on this, but will have to take care of few things which should not put you in trouble during the course of proceedings.

1. File for mutual divorce.

2. File a case against her parents and make her party to it for 'Misrepresentation and Attempted Forgery" and claim compensation for "Agony and Trauma" you have gone through.

Misrepresentation of her being physically and mentally normal and attempted forgery by taking your undue advantage to obtain green card.

This is to put pressure on her for mutual divorce. 9 out of 10 times it works.

Since you do not have any medical proof, while filing this case, you will have to make request to the court to appoint a doctor who could examine her.

3. File an affidavit to consider her green card application void based on above two cases. This will also put stay on her application processing untill verdict is passed on above two cases. This is necessary to ensure that you are not victimised for making false application.

4. I am not sure if you have registered your marriage in India. If you did, you may have to apply for divorce in india as well. Since you both have stayed seperate for more that one year, it should be relatively easier for you to get divorce.

Lastly, my friend, please remeber that this time is not permanent in your life. These are just passing clouds. Everytime you feel low tell yourself "This too shall pass" and that will make you feel better. Atleast it works for me when I am very depressed.

Regards

 

[sudoku1]

get for a new start friend....

Waqt kehta hai fir na aaunga...
Teri aankhon ko na ab rulaunga...
Jeena Hai to iss pal ko jee le ...
Shayad main kal tak na ruk paunga ......

 

[darsh_goswami]

Dear Traderwiz ,..

I'm sorry neither i m a doctor nor a lawyer to suggest u about ur medical and marriage life problem. But yeah, I can tell u one thing.

Some questions u need to ask urself first,.. coz at times our Ego doesnt allow us to look into ourselves. The best cure for any Mental Disorder is care and love , instead of oppossing her , try to make things better by doing something what she wants. If she is suspecting u for being with another woman, simple way is , keep on talkin to her when so ever ur free from ur work. Next u said she beats u up, u called up cops,.. I know its very hurting for any male to be beaten by any lady. But dont create such situations which ends up in a fight between u.
Its good to hear that u had tried to given another chance in the past. Give one more chance and after that also if it doesnt work then get divorse to her. But its strange for me to hear that she loves her Green Card more then u. Well buddy dont mind but if u wish, u can make her lovin u. I had been through similar kind of situations in the past but some how , giving another chance to a relationship worked for me. Still i m not married so i cant say much about it. But IF UR LIVING IN USA , HAVING ALL GOOD THINGS ABOUT USA , THEN BE READY TO FACE SIDE EFFECTS OF IT.

SORT OUT PROBLEMS ,... IF THE WIND IS AGAINST U, DONT TRY TO FIGHT AGAINST IT, SAIL WITH THE DIRECTION.

REGARDS,.. N BEST LUCK ,..
DARSH

 

[apegaonkar]

Ya rigthly said.
Give fresh start.
The best part of Distruction give person to start for fresh new begining.
Please dont try to get sympathy. I it will make you weak from inside. Just a small prayer can be helpful

God grant me the
Serenity to accept
The things I cannot change
Courage to change
The things I can
and Wisdom to
know the difference.

Believe me this paryer has saved millions who were going through hell and save millions in future.
Best of luck

 

[Czar]

Sorry mate to hear about this, I only would like to say If I were you & thought that I have been used only to get the darn green card, I would try my best that she does not get the green card, atleast because of me, if she gets on her own, well & good...

also you need to consult a good lawyer who maybe a friend or a friends friend to get your questions answered before you proceed in any directions.

Good Luck.

 

[biggles]

something so unreal about it all, something amiss i think