hi all, the markets were gr8 today, here r some gr8 jokes to compliment her,
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Postal Mail Problem
A Sardarji is speaking to her psychiatrist.
Sardarji, "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me."
Psychiatrist, "Don't you have a mobile phone ?"
Sardarji, "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car."
Psychiatrist, "Uh ... How's that working?"
Sardarji, "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."
Psychiatrist, "And why do you think that is?"
Sardarji, "I figure its because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."
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Why does a man marry?
On the wedding day of Peter, the priest was giving a sermon.
In the sermon, he asked a question, "Why does a man marry?"
Sitting right next to the groom was his best friend, who had been married for three years.
Just as the priest was about to give the answer the friend stood up and said, "Father, a man gets married because romance is not the only element in life, Peter should also face horror, terror & tragedy!"
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Driving Slow Also An Offence
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, the officer sees a car puttering at 22 MPH, he thinks to himself, "This driver is as dangerous as a speeder."
He turns on the light and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back seat - wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly ... twenty two miles an hour!" the old lady says a bit proudly.
The officer trying to contain a chukle explains to her that "22" was the route number not the speed limit.
A bit embarrased, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car O.K? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single word this whole time," the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. You see we just got off Route "142".
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God's E-mail
God looked at earth and wanted to know what kind of behavior that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time.
When he returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are not."
God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion." So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time too.
When the angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true-the Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are being good."
God was not pleased. So He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good, because He wanted to encourage them. Give them a little something to help them keep going, do you know what that E-mail said?
No?
I didn't get one either!!
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Mr. Hook
Mr. Hook walked into a bar and the bartender asked, "Hey, Mr. Hook, I haven't seen you for a while, you look terrible, what happened?"
Hook: "What do you mean? I'm fine."
Bartender: "What about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
Hook: "Well, we were in a battle and I got hit by a cannon, but I'm fine now."
Bartender: "Well, o.k, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"
Hook: "We were in a battle, I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight, my hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."
Bartender: "What about that eye patch?"
Hook: "Oh! this, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over, I looked up and one of them **** in my eye."
Bartender: "You're kidding, you couldn't loose and eye just for some bird ****."
Hook: "Well, there you are, you're right, I couldn't have lost this eye just because of a bird ****, but you must understand that was my first day with the hook."
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What Changed Your Mind ?
A mom and dad were worried about their son not wanting to learn maths at the school he was in, so they decided to send him to a Catholic school.
After the first day of school, their son comes racing into the house, goes straight to his room, and slams the door shut.
Mom and dad are a little worried about this and go to his room to see if he's okay.
They find him sitting at his desk doing his homework.
The boy keeps doing that for the rest of the year.
At the end of the year the son brings home his report card and gives it to his mom and dad.
Looking at it they see that under maths an A+.
Mom and dad are very happy and ask their son, "What changed your mind about learning maths?"
The son looked at mom and dad and said, "Well, on the first day when I walked into the classroom, I saw a guy nailed to the plus sign at the back of the room behind the teacher's desk and I knew they meant business."
--------------------------------------------
Postal Mail Problem
A Sardarji is speaking to her psychiatrist.
Sardarji, "I'm on the road a lot, and my clients are complaining that they can never reach me."
Psychiatrist, "Don't you have a mobile phone ?"
Sardarji, "That was a little too expensive, so I did the next best thing. I put a mailbox in my car."
Psychiatrist, "Uh ... How's that working?"
Sardarji, "Actually, I haven't gotten any letters yet."
Psychiatrist, "And why do you think that is?"
Sardarji, "I figure its because when I'm driving around, my zip code keeps changing."
------------------------------------------------------
Why does a man marry?
On the wedding day of Peter, the priest was giving a sermon.
In the sermon, he asked a question, "Why does a man marry?"
Sitting right next to the groom was his best friend, who had been married for three years.
Just as the priest was about to give the answer the friend stood up and said, "Father, a man gets married because romance is not the only element in life, Peter should also face horror, terror & tragedy!"
------------------------------------------------------
Driving Slow Also An Offence
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, the officer sees a car puttering at 22 MPH, he thinks to himself, "This driver is as dangerous as a speeder."
He turns on the light and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back seat - wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly ... twenty two miles an hour!" the old lady says a bit proudly.
The officer trying to contain a chukle explains to her that "22" was the route number not the speed limit.
A bit embarrased, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car O.K? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single word this whole time," the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. You see we just got off Route "142".
--------------------------------------------------
God's E-mail
God looked at earth and wanted to know what kind of behavior that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time.
When he returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are not."
God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion." So God called another angel and sent him to Earth for a time too.
When the angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true-the Earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving and 5% are being good."
God was not pleased. So He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good, because He wanted to encourage them. Give them a little something to help them keep going, do you know what that E-mail said?
No?
I didn't get one either!!
--------------------------------------------
Mr. Hook
Mr. Hook walked into a bar and the bartender asked, "Hey, Mr. Hook, I haven't seen you for a while, you look terrible, what happened?"
Hook: "What do you mean? I'm fine."
Bartender: "What about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
Hook: "Well, we were in a battle and I got hit by a cannon, but I'm fine now."
Bartender: "Well, o.k, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"
Hook: "We were in a battle, I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight, my hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."
Bartender: "What about that eye patch?"
Hook: "Oh! this, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over, I looked up and one of them **** in my eye."
Bartender: "You're kidding, you couldn't loose and eye just for some bird ****."
Hook: "Well, there you are, you're right, I couldn't have lost this eye just because of a bird ****, but you must understand that was my first day with the hook."
------------------------------------------------------
What Changed Your Mind ?
A mom and dad were worried about their son not wanting to learn maths at the school he was in, so they decided to send him to a Catholic school.
After the first day of school, their son comes racing into the house, goes straight to his room, and slams the door shut.
Mom and dad are a little worried about this and go to his room to see if he's okay.
They find him sitting at his desk doing his homework.
The boy keeps doing that for the rest of the year.
At the end of the year the son brings home his report card and gives it to his mom and dad.
Looking at it they see that under maths an A+.
Mom and dad are very happy and ask their son, "What changed your mind about learning maths?"
The son looked at mom and dad and said, "Well, on the first day when I walked into the classroom, I saw a guy nailed to the plus sign at the back of the room behind the teacher's desk and I knew they meant business."
