Stock Market Jokes


Active Member
As everybody is aware, trying to come to terms with vagaries of the market can flummox the best professionals. Experience has also shown that sometimes a diversion can enable one to come back with better ideas and vigor. A little humor would not be out of place. All work and no play makes jack a dull boy.


Here is my favorite but a real and scary one

A stock analyst and a Wall Street broker went to the races. The broker suggested to bet $10,000 on a horse. The analyst was sceptical, saying that he wanted first to understand the rules, to look on horses, etc. The broker whispered that he knew a secret algorithm for the success, but he could not convince the analyst.

"You are too theoretical," he said and bet on a horse. Surely, that horse came first bringing him a lot of money. Triumphantly, he exclaimed: "I told you, I knew the secret!"
"What is your secret?" the analyst asked.
"It is rather easy. I have two kids, three and five year old. I sum up their ages and I bet on number nine."
"But, three and five is eight," the analyst protested.
"I told you, you are too theoretical!" the broker replied, "Haven't I just shown experimentally that my calculation is correct?!"

Q: Why did God create stock analysts ?
A: In order to make weather forecasters look good.


Active Member
Q: Why did God create stock analysts ?
A: In order to make weather forecasters look good.[/QUOTE]

Good jokes.Have you wondered.Why did god create the stock market?
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"Markets are the places where two types of people meet up in the morning: those with experience and those with money. Towards the end of the day, they exchange their assets and go home." [I don't know the author, though!]



Active Member
Bull Market - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Bear Market - A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets none.

Momentum Investing - The fine art of buying high and selling low.

Value Investing - The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E ratio - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

One more -

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, stockbroker, of Noo Yawk City."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the stockbroker, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

The stockbroker goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a stockbroker-- he gets a silken robe and golden staff but I, a minister, only get a cotton robe and wooden staff? How can this be?"

"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached, people slept; his clients, they prayed."

ss :D :D
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Well-Known Member
Hey look at this-----

In the begining, an investor starts with money and analyst with experience.
In the end, investor gets experience and analyst money!!!!!



Well-Known Member
This confession is made by one of my friends immediately after loosing a trade by huge amount.

"I am neither a bull nor a bear, but just the plain old ass" :D

R. S. Iyer

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