Self Help & Misc. Instresting Stuff.

Thanks Amit. This is a wonderful post, and one of the best one that I have come across for a while.

Much appreciated.

Have your own standards..... Edited excerpt

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/...st_n_7310848.html?ir=India&adsSiteOverride=in

(Commencement speech, in the US is a speech given by a noted personality to students who are about to graduate. Here is an excerpt by one given by Stephen Colbert, a prominent TV actor and author)


“I hope you find the courage to decide for yourself what is right and what is wrong, and then please, expect as much of the world around you. Try to make the world good according to your standards.” Those were some of the words of wisdom uttered by comedian Stephen Colbert during his commencement address to the graduates of North Carolina’s Wake Forest University on Monday.

“I just spent many years learning to do one thing really well. I got so comfortable with that place, that role, those responsibilities, that it came to define how I saw myself; but now part of my life is over,” he said. “It’s time to say goodbye to the person we’ve become … and to make some crucial decisions in becoming who we’re going to be.

“People my age will sometimes say to you, ‘Hey, that work you did, that thing you said - it’s not good,’” he said. “Having your own standards will help you weather moments like that … [and will allow] you to perceive success where others may see failure.”

The fear of failure is universal and paralyzing for almost all of us," said Lohrenz, returning to a frequent theme in her talk. "We pass up valuable opportunities simple because we're afraid to fail. Once you realize that failure will happen, but that it's what you do with it that will define you--that lets you push forward and innovate - Carey Lohrenz, one of the first women to fly the F-14 fighter jet, shares her advice for working through "extraordinary pressure"

Source : http://www.inc.com/kimberly-weisul/high-performance-high-stress-advice-from-a-fighter-pilot.html

Some amazingly great and insightful Darren Hardy videos to watch in the weekend :

THE Secret... I discovered at 8 years old

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DlnqqZBk2SQ

Darren Hardy 6 Steps to Success

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9tp6je6RWI

GET MOTIVATED Darren Hardy Explains What You Think About Comes About

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IcYasakyj0

Protect Your mind

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TB1xA6ZnQSc

Darren Hardy Shares Secrets of Great Achievers

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rRnTgkQ_1s

Emotional blackmail- A gist of what I read from available books.

Where ever required ,adapt this ,in any way , you may feel worthwhile enough,, to your own trading style .Because I have personally felt ,when we have habituated trading as a daily activity, AND are LOSING .We are in a way emotionally blackmailing ourselves.TJ has any number of insightful threads to delve , decipher and emulate a good trading manner , However , as I came these following excerpts ,almost by accident , felt it is required by us all to know ,the workings of the mind ,in our daily life.If not for our own selves at least by way of helping someone else..

We come across this EB in our business dealings ,negotiations and personal life too .Although the following excerpt seams to be concerned mainly with personal lives and relationships.However wish it to be useful and thus wish to share.


We are not victims of manipulation. We allow manipulation to happen to us and with careful observation we can neutralize it. This is what Susan Forward believes.

Emotional black mail - About controlling people in relationships and the theory that fear, obligation or guilt ("FOG") are the transactional dynamics at play between the controller and the person being controlled. Understanding these dynamics are useful to anyone trying to extricate themselves from the controlling behavior of another person, and deal with their own compulsions to do things that are uncomfortable, undesirable, burdensome, or self-sacrificing for others

Emotional blackmail typically involves two people who have established a close personal or intimate relationship (mother and daughter, husband and wife, sister and sister, two close friends.Children, too, will employ special pleading and emotional blackmail to promote their own interests, and self-development, within the family system

Emotional blackmailers use fear, obligation and guilt in their relationships, ensuring that others feel afraid to cross them, obligated to give them their way and swamped by guilt if they resist. Knowing that someone close to them wants love, approval or confirmation of identity and self-esteem, blackmailers may threaten to withhold them or take them away altogether, making the person feel they must earn them by agreement. Fear, obligation or guilt is commonly referred to as "FOG". FOG is a contrived acronym—a play on the word fog which describes something that obscures and confuses a situation or someone's thought processes.



The person who is acting in a controlling way often wants something from the other person that is legitimate to want. They may want to feel loved, safe, valuable, appreciated, supported, needed, etc. This is not the problem. The problem is often more a matter of how they are going about getting what they want, or that they are insensitive to others needs in doing so that is troubling - and how others react to all of this.



Under pressure... one may become a sort of hostage, forced to act under pressure of the threat of responsibility for the other's breakdown and could fall into a pattern of letting the blackmailer control his/her decisions and behavior, lost in what Doris Lessing described as "a sort of psychological fog"

Codependency often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others. Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including family, work, friendship, and also romantic, peer or community relationships

the status insecurity derived from obsessively keeping up with the Joneses — has been linked by Oliver James to a pattern of childhood training whereby sufferers were "subjected to a form of emotional blackmail as toddlers. Their mothers' love becomes conditional on exhibiting behavior that achieved parental goals

Assertiveness training encourages people to not to engage in fruitless back-and-forth or power struggles with the emotional blackmailer but instead to repeat a neutral statement, such as "I can see how you feel that way," or "No thank you, I'm not hungry." They are taught to keep their statements within certain boundaries in order not to capitulate to coercive nagging, emotional blackmail, or bullying.

Techniques for resisting emotional blackmail, including strengthening personal boundaries, resisting demands, developing a power statement – the determination to stand the pressure — and buying time to break old patterns: she accepted nonetheless that re-connecting with the autonomous parts of the self the blackmailer had over-ruled was not necessarily easy. One may for instance feel guilty even while recognizing the guilt as induced and irrational; but still be able to resist overcompensating, and ignore the blackmailer's attempt to gain attention by way of a tantrum

Consistently ignoring the manipulation in a friendly way may however lead to its intensification, and threats of separation or to accusations of being crazy or a home wrecker



Use the following techniques:

Remember that you are dealing with people who feel inadequate and powerless and who are afraid of your ability to hurt or abandon them.
Confront them when they're more able to hear what you have to say. Consider writing a letter. It may feel less threatening to them.
Reassure them that they can tell you what they're angry about and you will hear them out without retaliating.

Use tact and diplomacy. This will reassure them that you won't exploit their vulnerabilities and bludgeon them with recriminations.

Say reassuring things like "I know you're angry right now, and I'll be willing to discuss this with you as soon as you're ready to talk about it," Then leave them alone. You'll only make them withdraw more if you don't.

Don't be afraid to tell them that their behavior is upsetting to you, but begin by expressing appreciation. For example: "Dad, I really care about you, and I think you're one of the smartest people I know, but it really bothers me when you clam up every time we disagree about something and just walk away is hurting our relationship, and I wonder if you would talk to me about that."
Stay focused on the issue you're upset about.

Expect to be attacked when you express a grievance, because they experience your assertion as an attack on them as an attack on them.

Let them know that you know they're angry and what you're willing to do about it. For example: "I'm sorry you 're upset because I don't want your folks to stay with us when they're in town, but I'm certainly willing to t· take the time to find a nice hotel for them and maybe pay for part of their vacation."

· Accept the fact that you will have to make the first move most, if not all, of the time.

· Let some things slide

DONT's In dealing with silent blackmailers'T: --DON’TS

Expect them to rake the first step toward resolving the conflict.
Plead with them to tell you what's wrong.
Keep after them for a response (which will only make them withdraw more).
Criticize, analyze or interpret their motives, character or inability to be direct.
Willingly accept blame for whatever they're upset about to get them into a better mood.
Allow them to change the Subject.
Get intimidated by the tension and anger in the air.
Let your frustration cause you to make threats you really don't mean (e.g., "If you don't tell me what's wrong, I'll never speak to you again").
Assume that if they ultimately apologize, it will be followed by any significant change in their behavior.
Expect major personality changes, even if they recognize what they're doing and are willing to work on it. Remember: Behavior can change. Personality styles usually don't.

Main source -Susan Forward

Empathy at work place.
Source- from different books –have mentioned in between.
A few weeks ago, I came across a bumper sticker that said: "I am not good at empathy. Will you settle for sarcasm?" The humor in the bumper sticker led me to think of the slight unease or self-conscious discomfort that many people feel when a term such as "empathy" is introduced in a business environment. Notions of "touchy-feely," spring to mind.

While empathy is a right brain activity, it is far from being a touchy-feely topic. At its core, empathy is the oil that keeps relationships running smoothly. The fact that empathy is an important component of effective relationships has been proven: In studies by Dr Antonio Damasio (outlined in his book: "Descartes' Error: Emotion, Reason, and the Human Brain"), medical patients who had damage to part of the brain associated with empathy showed significant deficits in relationship skills, even though their reasoning and learning abilities remained intact.
Indeed, empathy is valued currency. It allows us to create bonds of trust, it gives us insights into what others may be feeling or thinking; it helps us understand how or why others are reacting to situations, it sharpens our "people acumen" and it informs our decisions.
A formal definition of Empathy is the ability to identify and understand another's situation, feelings and motives. It's our capacity to recognize the concerns other people have. Empathy means: "putting yourself in the other person's shoes" or "seeing things through someone else's eyes."

There are numerous studies that link empathy to business results. They include studies that correlate empathy with increased sales, with the performance of the best managers of product development teams and with enhanced performance in an increasingly diverse workforce. A few of these studies can be viewed on the site of The Consortium for Research on Emotional Intelligence in Organizations.

Yes, increasingly, the topic of empathy is encroaching on the business world. We are now even seeing terms such as "empathy marketing" and "empathy selling." Not long ago, I came across the term "user empathy," referring to user interface.

in the book -A Whole New Mind: Moving from the Information Age to the Conceptual Age, Daniel Pink predicts that power will reside with those who have strong right-brain (interpersonal) qualities. He cites three forces that are causing this change: Abundance, Asia, and Automation. "Abundance" refers to our increasing demand for products or services that are aesthetically pleasing; "Asia" refers to the growing trend of outsourcing; "Automation" is self-explanatory. In order to compete in the new economy market, Pink suggests six areas that are vital to our success. One of which is Empathy; the ability to imagine yourself in someone else's position, to imagine what they are feeling, to understand what makes people tick, to create relationships and to be caring of others: All of which is very difficult to outsource or automate, and yet is increasingly important to business.

Empathy is also particularly critical to leadership development in this age of young, independent, highly marketable and mobile workers. In a popular Harvard Business Review article entitled "What Makes a Leader?", Dr Daniel Goleman isolates three reasons why empathy is so important: the increasing use of teams, (which he refers to as "cauldrons of bubbling emotions"), the rapid pace of globalization (with cross cultural communication easily leading to misunderstandings) and the growing need to retain talent. "Leaders with empathy," states Goleman, "do more than sympathize with people around them: they use their knowledge to improve their companies in subtle, but important ways." This doesn't mean that they agree with everyone's view or try to please everybody. Rather, they "thoughtfully consider employees' feelings – along with other factors – in the process of making intelligent decisions."

Empathy, then, is an ability that is well-worth cultivating. It's a soft, sometimes abstract tool in a leader's toolkit that can lead to hard, tangible results. But where does empathy come from? Is it a process of thinking or of emotion? From my perspective, I believe that it is both: We need to use our reasoning ability to understand another person's thoughts, feelings, reactions, concerns, motives. This means truly making an effort to stop and think for a moment about the other person's perspective in order to begin to understand where they are coming from: And then we need the emotional capacity to care for that person's concern; Caring does not mean that we would always agree with the person, that we would change our position, but it does mean that we would be in tune with what that person is going through, so that we can respond in a manner that acknowledges their thoughts, feelings or concerns.

So this leads me to a question that I am sometimes asked: "Can you teach someone to be empathetic?" We all know some people who are naturally and consistently empathetic – these are the people who can easily forge positive connections with others. They are people who use empathy to engender trust and build bonds; they are catalysts who are able to create positive communities for the greater good. But even if empathy does not come naturally to some of us, I honestly believe that we can develop this capacity.
Years ago, I had come across a saying that went something like this: the measure of a man [or woman], is how they treat someone who is of absolutely no use to them. Empathy should not be selective: It should be a daily habit. If I were to create a bumper sticker, I would say: "Empathy: Don't Leave Home Without It!"

If you examine the lives of the greatest, the most successful people, you will find one trait jumping right at you, a quality they held uncompromisingly, an aspect of personality they all possessed, they might have been humble, yet they all operated with a degree of self-importance, they held their work in the greatest esteem, sometimes even blurring the line between proud and pride, between affirmation and arrogance.

Confidence comes from making yourself feel important, conviction comes from believing your work is important, and, contentment comes from making others feel important. In fact, ability to instill a sense of significance in others is a primary differentiator that sets apart leaders from bosses, extraordinary from the average.

Self-importance is a term generally frowned upon, it is often held synonymous to ego, it may have certain negative connotation to it, however, it is a necessary ingredient for a successful living, particularly when it is leveraged properly. Allow me to categorize the subject matter in two parts:

1. Believing you are important
When you feel what you do is important, if you believe in yourself, you gain great inner strength. Believing your work is significant, however small, feeds your self-esteem, such morale boosts your confidence, and confidence, in turn, is a critical success factor in attaining your goals, be they spiritual endeavors or material pursuits.

How important you feel about yourself is greatly affected by three factors: first, how you see yourself, second, how successful you are in what you do, and third, how others see you. If you sincerely work towards what matters to you, the first one gets a boost automatically. As one and two improve, the third one ceases to matter after a while.

Elsewhere, I once quoted a story from the life of Rabindranath Tagore, a Nobel Laureate, an Indian philosopher and writer, I would like to share it here:

Tagore had a disciple who was very good at painting. However, he worried about what people thought about him, his work, and their opinions. So much so, it hindered his creativity. On multiple occasions Tagore told him to listen to his heart, that when it came to art, he should draw what he cared about and that the canvas was supposed to be his playfield and not a dumpster of others’ opinions.

One day, he drew a beautiful portrait of Tagore. It was perfect in every sense. Tagore himself approved it but the disciple remained unsure, he asked him if they should get others’ views on the portrait. Tagore thought it was a good opportunity to impart a lesson.

“Okay. If you really want to know what others think,” said Tagore, “go and place this portrait in a corner of a busy marketplace in the morning. Leave my original photo, a set of pencils and a note asking people for their opinion. Let it be there for the whole day and bring it back here in the evening.”
The disciple concurred. Two days later he went back to Tagore. He was visibly upset and downright pensive.
“I’m shocked at my painting skills. You said it was perfect, but I knew it wasn’t. That’s what everyone else thinks too,” he scorned and flashed the portrait in front of Tagore. It was full of black marks. In fact, black spots had completely marred the canvas. People had marked mistakes all over the portrait.
Tagore maintained quietude for a few minutes and said, “These opinions mean nothing. I still think it is perfect. What did you write on the note?”
“The note said, ‘Please compare this portrait with the original and mark wherever you see a mistake.’”
“Alright. Erase the black marks and take back the portrait. This time change your note to say, ‘Please compare with the original and correct any anomalies.’”
At the end of the experiment, he took the portrait back to Tagore and said, “There is not even one mark this time. How come? It’s the same sketch but no one corrected anything.”
“It’s easy to find faults, son. Most can’t distinguish fault from a feature. If they could, they would be busy making their own features and not finding faults in others. Trust your instincts when it comes to your own art.”

If you do not believe in what you do and who you are, how can you possibly expect others to endorse your proposition. Positive self-importance comes from being honest with yourself, your opinions about yourself and your work. Learn to love yourself, take care of yourself, treat yourself, believe in yourself, this is how you make yourself feel important.

2. Making others feel important
This is a quality all leaders possess, it helps create harmony and understanding in relationships. Irrespective of the nature of the relationship, professional or personal, if you wish to inspire someone, have them believe in you, make them your own, you need to make them feel important. When you make someone feel special, you create a special bond with that person, your relationship and the leverage you have from it becomes special, it is a sign of love, of care, you automatically solicit positive emotions from the other person.

There are three easy ways to make others feel important:

a. Complement
You will be amazed to see what a genuine complement can do. There is always some goodness in everybody, focus on such goodness and express it. That way, your complement remains true, genuine, a factual statement, and, its impact profound and long-lasting. It is easier to nurture any relationship when both sides are happy.

b. Care
When you show care with your words and gestures, you make the other person feel special, closer, loved. Care does not mean you always have to do something grand, it could be simple little gestures to express your love and care, to show that they mean something to you, that, their well-being, their happiness, is important to you.

c. Attention
When someone is talking to you, all you have to do is give them your undivided attention. This is where, from my observation, most people fall short, especially in a close relationship. When the other person is talking to you, and you make it a point to listen to them, they feel significant, important, special.

When you make others feel important, they gain strength, composure, faith. In return, they are able to love you better, be there for you more. You must be genuine though.

Mulla Nasrudin went to a shop once. “I would like to buy a greeting card for a woman I love the most,” he said.
The shop owner showed a card that said, “You are the only one I live for, and the one I can die for.”
“This is beautiful,” said Mulla, “give me six of these.”

Ingenuity is transient, be real.

If you love yourself, you will find it easy to love others, if you feel important, you will make others feel the same. We make others feel what we truly are ourselves, deep within. If you want to feel all that you are not presently, all you have to do is start giving it to others, Nature will reciprocate.

Go on! help someone feel special, make their day, express yourself.



SOURCE --- THE INTERNET

Wish to share this interesting article..

Apple Watch -
Is 2015 the year of the geek globetrotter? David Phelan, one of the very first journalists in Europe to own an Apple Watch, reports on the rise of wearable travel technology -----


"Today, at Heathrow Airport, I'm more relaxed than I've ever been about a trip. It could be because of the technology I'm using. For weeks now, I've known exactly when my next flight was, the temperature and exchange rates at my destination, and even when check-in will open.

Of course, these are the kinds of things that we've all got used to Googling on a smartphone, but right now I'm getting the info from my watch. Thanks to a clever app , I've got my handset tucked safely in my pocket, so my hands are free to carry my bag and hold the newspaper I've just bought. When my gate was announced, the app immediately told me when to board and I'm currently following a map with a pin that shows my gate and how long I'll need to get there.

For once, my airport visit has not consisted of frantic dashing to find departure information, then fumbling around for a boarding pass, as this is all stored on the watch. I've had a coffee and a leisurely stroll. This feels very much like the future of travel - and it just might be.

The Apple Watch I'm wearing is the latest in a growing arsenal of gadgets called wearable tech: accessories or fashion items with computers built into them, designed to help us with everyday tasks, from sleeping and staying fit to getting around. They could be changing travel forever.

If you embraced the arrival of websites that enabled travelers to eat, stay and party like locals - the likes of Airbnb and Couchsurfing - then you'll be familiar with the notion of Travel 2.0. This is the next stage.

Ben Wood, chief of research at mobile and internet analyst CCS Insight, thinks we're just at the beginning of the journey. “It'll be fascinating,” he says. “Fitness companies have created wristbands and necklaces to encourage us to take more exercise. Health-insurance companies and some employers are involved, because the fitter we are, the fewer days we'll spend off sick. But one of the most interesting things wearables will change is travel. A boarding pass on a watch makes it painless and, if it's quicker for you, then that speeds things up for the people queuing behind you. Smartwatches will have more apps, such as for Starbucks, so you can wave your watch to pay for that latte. That's really handy in an airport, when keeping track of all your bags is enough to focus on.”

On holiday, a fitness monitor can count your steps so that, if nothing else, you understand why traipsing round those Roman ruins proved so tiring. And the latest fashion bracelets come with a UV monitor shaped like a jewel to warn us when we've had enough sun.

Some might argue this takes the romance out of travel, but in the future, there'll be even more benefits. “We can expect to see an increase in the so-called life-logging gadgets, like Narrative,” says Wood. “These are wearable cameras that take photos at regular intervals without you even having to remember they're there.”

Even now, the wearable-tech arena is revolutionising things. I've been using the Apple Watch since March - I was one of the first journalists in Europe to get their hands on it - and my usage develops all the time. On holiday, I now use Maps: just speak your destination into the Watch and it gives you real-time walking directions - much safer than holding your smartphone out in front of you in a city you don't know. The Watch taps you as you approach a junction, with different taps for left and right. Currency conversion apps can remind you how much you're spending and the Watch even translates for you: speak in English and it'll speak back in the appropriate language. There are also apps that can log into your house's video cameras so you know all is well at home.

I worried, initially, that the battery would fade too quickly, but it's never been a problem. For those who don't know, the Apple Watch works by tethering to your smartphone (which needs to be an iPhone) over Bluetooth and uses that data connection to do all the heavy lifting in terms of connecting to the internet.

It means it's the phone's battery, not the Watch's, that's depleted that bit quicker.

It's a small gripe. What I really love about the Watch is that I'm no longer buried in my smartphone screen and disengaged from my surroundings while I check emails, texts and Facebook updates. Now, I quickly glance at my wrist when the Watch tells me there's a new notification. That's ideal when you want to stay connected to your digital world without disconnecting from the real one.

As apps develop, wearable tech will do even more, meaning you might never have to suffer the ignominy of ever looking like a tourist again.”

By David Phelan .

Mark Cuban Quotes on Finding Success (Edited excerpts)

http://www.inc.com/john-brandon/20-best-mark-cuban-quotes-on-finding-success.html

* "What I've learned is that if you really want to be successful at something, you'll find that you put the time in. You won't just ask somebody if it's a good idea, you'll go figure out if it's a good idea."

* "It's not about money or connections-it's the willingness to outwork and out-learn everyone... And if it fails, you learn from what happened and do a better job next time."

* "It doesn't matter how many times you fail. You only have to be right once and then everyone can tell you that you are an overnight success."

* "Once you have found out what you love to do, there is only one goal: to be the best in the world at it."

* "It's not in the dreaming, it's in the doing."

* "Learn to sell. In business you're always selling--to your prospects, investors and employees. To be the best salesperson put yourself in the shoes of the person to whom you're selling. Don't sell your product. Solve their problems."

* "Time is more valuable than money."

* "What I do know, at least what I think I have learned from my experiences in business, is that when there is a rush for everyone to do the same thing, it becomes more difficult to do. Not easier. Harder."

* "It doesn't matter how many times you fail. It doesn't matter how many times you almost get it right. No one is going to know or care about your failures, and neither should you. All you have to do is learn from them and those around you because ... all that matters in business is that you get it right once. Then everyone can tell you how lucky you are."

* "You gotta grind."

* "Forget about finding your passion. Instead, focus on finding big problems."

* "Don't get caught up in how many hours you work. Judge success based on having goals and measuring your results. Hard work, and lots of it, is certainly needed, but focus on what you get done."

Thanks for this awesome thread !