Jokes, Humours and shayaris !!!!!!

The experts have said alll....
Just for time pass, I would be posting some masala here so that people can refresh themselves..
ganeshhity

Tum door sahi, majboor sahi...
par yaad tumhari aati hai...
tum saans waha par leti ho, badbu yaha tak aati hai...


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tumne mere tan se khela..
tumne mere man se khela...

tumne mere tan se khela,
tumne mere man se khela..

aur to aur...tumne mere dhan se bhi khela...

WELL PLAYED..WELL PLAYED...WELL PLAYED...

GODISNOWHERE

This can be read as ....

GOD IS NOW HERE.....

Like everything in Life ,The way you see thing always

Depend on your View..............
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Raam ne Site se Shaadi ki, Rawan ne Sita ko Kidnap kiya, Hanumaan ne Sita ko bachaya.

Ab VASTAVA mai hero kaun???
?
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Sanjay Dutt!
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Tu chand mange main chand dedu,
Tu raat mange main raat dedu,
Tu dil mange main dil dedu,
Tu jaan mange, bas yaar...
Bheek mangne ki bhi koi limit hoti hai!
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Taste this joke....
Do u feel the taste of Ginger?
No ?
Well.,
BANDAR KYA JAANE ADRAK KA SWAAD.....

Bhai! Tu market-Tip maange to tip de doon to likhna tha atleast.

Just so nobody accuses us freeloaders of not contributing anything, here goes.

Mom: Beti, tujhe ladka pasand aya?
Beti: Ladka to theek tha, par bahut mota tha!
Mom: Dekho beti, TV chahe 14 inch ka ho ya 29 inch ka, remote to 6 inch ka hi hota hai!

And for those harried married people -

Telling a lie is a fault for a little boy, an art for a lover, an accomplishment for a bachelor, and a matter of survival for a married man!

And lastly, for their kids, a last one, I promise -

Sir: Bachcho, kasam khao ki sharab aur cigarette nahi pioge?
Kids: OK
Sir: Non-veg nahi khao ge?
Kids: OK
Sir: Jua nahi kheloge?
Kids: OK
Sir: Ladkio ko nahi chhedoge?
Kids: OK
Sir: Desh ke liye jaan bhi de doge?
Kids: Denge Sir, denge. Aisi jaan ka aur karenge bhi kya!

Is printed on one of my t-shirts

Hi Ace,

What a great lie! All those words on one T-Shirt!! Guess you MUST be married.

Not a lie as I am a bachelor. After reading that t-shirt I decided to remain a bachelor as lieing is something I am not comfortable with.

Arz kiya hai....

unki galiyon mein ghoomte ghoomte kutte hamare yaar ho gayein...

woh to hamari ho na saki...Hum kutto ke sardar ho gayein..

DO not mess with children.

1. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

2. A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."!
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl: replied,
"They will in a minute."

3. A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers! and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

4. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

5. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."

6. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."

7. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the APPLES.