Jokes, Humours and shayaris !!!!!!

ganeshhity · #**931** 12th September 2008, 06:36 PM

Once a man was waiting for a taxi. A beggar came along and asked him for some money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money.
Suddenly an idea struck him. He told the beggar, "I do not have money, But if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you." "I would have bought a cup of tea", replied the beggar. The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea". He then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar. The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health."
The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told the beggar, "Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good". The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver".
The man smiled again. He told the beggar, "I am going to the race course. Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets. If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone". As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, "Sorry sir, I can't come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit."
Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his home with him. Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of receiving at least something from the man. But he still had his doubts and asked the man, "Why do you want me to go to your house with you".
The man replied, "My wife always wanted to see how a man with no Bad habits looks like."

vksharma · #**932** 12th September 2008, 08:25 PM

nice one.

1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321

1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10= 1111111111

9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888

madhur31 · #**933** 12th September 2008, 08:32 PM

tech/Software Joke.

DADDY! HOW WAS I BORN?" Junior asks, His dad, who is a software engineer sighs and replies, "Ah, my son, I guess 1 day you wld hav 2 find out anyway!"

"Well, I saw ur Mom & I first got together in a chat room on *****. Then I set up a date via e-mail with ur mom & v met at a cyber-cafe. v sneaked into a secluded room, where ur mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, v discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button."

"Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS. Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said 'u've Got Male"

rakeshmalik · #**934** 12th September 2008, 08:46 PM

A guy phones up his Boss,
but gets the bosses' wife instead.
"I'm afraid he died last week."
she explains. The next day the
man calls again and asks for
the boss. "I told you" the wife replies,
"he died last week." The next day
he calls again and once more
asks to Speak to his boss.
By this time the wife is getting
upset and shouts, "I'VE ALREADY
TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND,
YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"
He replied laughing,
"I just love hearing it..."

drpsiva · #**935** 13th September 2008, 09:31 AM

A grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson, who is coming to visit with his wife:
"You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T. There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T.

I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right.

Get in, and with your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell".
"Grandma that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow"?

"You're coming empty handed"?

praveen taneja · #**936** 13th September 2008, 10:20 AM

Interviewer : When is your birthday.

Sardar : 13th Oct.

Interviewer : which year ?

sardar : Oye Ullu ke patte : Every year.

sudoku1 · #**937** 13th September 2008, 12:41 PM

Baniya death k last stage par:
meri biwi kaha hain ????
Biwi:han...! yahin hun !
baniya:apne 4 bete?
Ladke:babuji , yahin hain hum bhi...
baniya:salo...

SAB yahin...? to dukan pe kaun hain ???????

rakeshmalik · #**938** 13th September 2008, 02:21 PM

The Cross

The young man was at the end of his rope.

Seeing no way out, he dropped to his knees in prayer.

"Lord, I can't go on ," he said. "I have too heavy a cross to bear."

The Lord replied, "My son, if you can't bear its weight, just place your cross inside this room. Then, open that other door and pick out any cross you wish." The man was filled with relief.

"Thank you, Lord," he sighed, and he did as he was told.

Upon entering the other door, he saw many crosses, some so large the tops were not visible.

Then, he spotted a tiny cross leaning against a far wall.

"I'd like that one, Lord," he whispered.

And the Lord replied, "My son, that is the cross you just brought in."

When life's problems seem overwhelming, it helps to look around and see what other people are coping with. You may consider yourself far more fortunate than you imagined.

drpsiva · #**939** 13th September 2008, 02:50 PM

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School.
Usually she slept through the class. One day the
teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell
me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't
stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the
chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the
rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher
said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our
Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her
slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and
stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and
the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to
sleep.

Then the teacher asked Mary a third question,
''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her
twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her
with the pin.
This time Mary jumped up and shouted,
''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time,
I'll break it in half!'' .The Teacher fainted.

rakeshmalik · #**940** 13th September 2008, 03:32 PM

Girl & a Bike

Two sardarjis (Prajees) were friends. They used to go together in office by bus.

One day one of them was waiting for the other at the bus stop.

Suddenly the other one came on a BIKE (Hero Honda).

First one asked "waa! Prajee!! Kammal ho gaya. Kiska bike Leke aayya?

Second one told " Arre ! Lottery Lag Gayi.

First one said " Mujhe batao yaar, phir mein bhi loonga "

He started telling.... "Arre yesterday late night I was coming from a friend's home.

It was so late that I couldn't catch any bus, auto. After some time one BIKE was coming.

So I asked for lift. That person asked me "where do u want to go?"

I told, "wherever u want." by that time I recognised that THE BIKE WALA was a girl not boy.
She drove fast and stopped at an ultra SUNSAN JAGAHA. She put off her helmet first. She winked at me .....
Then she told " Le! tujhe jo mangta hai woh le le"

I took the BIKE and ran away.

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