Jokes, Humours and shayaris !!!!!!

Wrong People

God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one.

So when we finally meet the right people,
we should know how to be grateful to them.

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Had posted this earlier,but the market scenario made this to post again..read, learn and n!joy...


A person while fishing in sea lost direction...he was surrounded by storms and waves...he closed his eye and prayed god to save him...he was hit by something and lost concious...when he woke up, he saw himself on the shore..he was amazed how he was saved ???? there was a bamboo beneath him.. he concluded that he was saved because this bamboo had flown him here....he thanked god and made this bamboo his god...he planned to take the bamboo with him and worship it for the rest of his life.....

The bamboo had become, by the time too heavy by absorbing lots of water... he walked and walked..he was tired, but never kept bamboo down...he continued the journey....day and night, he walked...while he was passing through a jungle(bleeding very badly), gautam buddha saw him..called him and asked hime..."do you not find bamboos in your village"???...he replied "we have lots of bamboo trees in our village"..."then is this some special kind of bamboo???"..."NO"...he replied...he then narrated the whole story...
Buddha laughed and said.."my dear friend..accepted that this bamboo saved your life, but now this is the enemy of your life...in this jungle full of ferocious animals...you may die out of starvation and carrying this bamboo...leave it and go to your village..this bamboo saved your life....it's role is over...now do not let it kill you.....

The man understood this..thanked buddha, left bamboo and preceeded towards his village....
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We have seen this lot a many times, when a person gains money out of a particular stock, he starts loving it and invests in the same...does not even withdraw at initial losses and thus looses a lot later...

There was a real crash now (still not over).....this is not correction, this is CRASH....still people have not sold stocks.....they've fallen in love with it..

I hope you understand now what I mean when I say...LOVE YOUR MONEY, NOT THE STOCKS....

This is how the stock market works !!!!!

It was autumn, and the Red Indians on the remote reservation asked their new Chief
if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a Red Indian Chief in a
modern society,he had never been taught the old secrets, and when he looked at
the sky, he couldn't tell what the weather was going to be. Nevertheless, to be on
the safe side, he replied to his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and
that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared. But also being
a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth,
called the National Weather Service and asked "Is the coming winter going to be
cold?" "It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold
indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to
collect even more wood in order to be prepared. A week later, he called
the National Weather Service again. "Is it going to be a very cold winter?"
"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "It's definitely
going to be a very cold winter." The Chief again went back to his people
and ordered them to collect every scrap of wood they could find.

Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service
again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to
e very cold?" "Absolutely," the man replied. "It's going to
be one of the coldest winters ever.""How can you be so
sure?" the Chief asked.

The weatherman replied, "The Red Indians are collecting wood
like crazy."

ganeshhity

IF IT DOES NOT WORK THE ABOVE WAY, SURELY THIS IS HOW IT WORKS !!!!!

Once upon a time in a village a man appeared who announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for Rs. 10. The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys went out in the forest and started catching them. The man bought thousands at 10 and as supply started to diminish and villagers started to stop their effort he announced that now he would buy at 20 rupees. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching moneys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer rate increased to 25 and the supply of monkeys became so that it was an effort to even see a monkey let alone catch it. The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at 50! However, since had to go to the city on some business his assistant would now buy on behalf of the man. In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers, "Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will
sell them to you at 35 and when the man comes back you can sell it to him for 50."

The villagers queued up with all their saving to buy the monkeys.

Phir na woh aadmi mila na us ka assistant........... Sirf bandar hee bandar.....

Take Care

Ganeshhity

SOUTH SPECIAL some PJ's

Q: Whats the opposite of Gopalakrishnan?
A: Comepalakrishnan.

Q: Do you know why the name of Madras was replaced by Chennai???
A: Because...a Madrassi wears lungi and there is no zip means chen..nai...

Q: How do they start a road race in Tamil Nadu?
A: Ready....Steady.....PO

Q: What do you call a really colorful Tamilian?
A: Rangamannar Rangarajan.

Q: How does a Tamilian introduce the Tennis superstar Lendl?
A: Avan Lendl (Ivan = ‘he’ in Tamil).

Q: What did the Tamilian call the tall building a Japanese built?
A: Nikumo Nikado (Will it or won’t it stand?)

SOUTH SPECIAL some PJ's

Q: Whats the opposite of Gopalakrishnan?
A: Comepalakrishnan.

Q: Do you know why the name of Madras was replaced by Chennai???
A: Because...a Madrassi wears lungi and there is no zip means chen..nai...

Q: How do they start a road race in Tamil Nadu?
A: Ready....Steady.....PO

Q: What do you call a really colorful Tamilian?
A: Rangamannar Rangarajan.

Q: How does a Tamilian introduce the Tennis superstar Lendl?
A: Avan Lendl (Ivan = ‘he’ in Tamil).

Q: What did the Tamilian call the tall building a Japanese built?
A: Nikumo Nikado (Will it or won’t it stand?)

A man boards a Jet Airways airplane Delhi to Mumbai and takeshis seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees an extremely attractivewoman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she's heading straighttowards his seat. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his.Eager to strike up a conversation, he asks "Business trip or vacation?" She turns, smiles, and says, "Business. I'm going to the annualSexologists' Convention." He swallows hard. Here is the most gorgeous woman he has everseen, sitting next to him, and she's a sexologist! Struggling to containhis excitement and maintain his composure, he calmly asks, "What's yourbusiness role at this convention?" "Lecturer," she says, "I use my experience to debunk some of thepopular myths about sexuality." "Really?" he says, swallowing hard. "What m-m-m-myths arethose?" Well," she explains, "one popular myth is that Negro men are thebest endowed when, in fact, it's the Sardar ji who is most likely topossess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the mostsensitive lovers, when actually it is the Bengali. However, we havefound that the best potential lover in sensuousness is the Tamilian." Suddenly, the woman becomes a little uncomfortable and blushes."I'm sorry," she says, "I shouldn't be discussing this with you. I don'teven know your name!" "Venkatraman!" the man blurts. "Venkatraman Mukherjee! But my friends call me Santa Singh!"


ENJOY !!!!!

Yaar u r running as non-stop express......
let me read........
give a small break.......

one of the greatest satire and sense of humour !!!
after a long long time reallyu lol...lol...lol.,..,!

kirti