Jokes, Humours and shayaris !!!!!!

ganeshhity · #**501** 11th March 2008, 08:00 PM

1. A FOOLish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells
her that "she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED".

2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption :
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY

3. Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

4. Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their
friends.

5. A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best
Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral : BE SPECIFIC

6. What is a BEST and WORST news you can hear at the *SAME* time ?
It is when your Girl Friend says YOU are the BEST KISSER among all your
Friends.

7. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a
forest.
They see an ELEPHANT comingt owards them. Ant 1 says : we should KILL
him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone. Ant 3 says : No, we will
just throw him away from our path. Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him
because he is ALONE and we areF OUR.

8. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in
your life. If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in
your life.

9. Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.

10. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you
from Darkness. Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please
PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.

11. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women. Because as per
Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.

ganeshhity · #**502** 12th March 2008, 02:44 PM

Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?

Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.

uasish · #**503** 12th March 2008, 04:21 PM

As usual nice one.

ganeshhity · #**504** 12th March 2008, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by uasish

As usual nice one.

hmmmm...uashish, i try to change the style..but it remains the usual one...tried, but failed..got stuck to the same style again and again..
but till the time all enjoy...i enjoy....so .....Njoy !!

Cactus · #**505** 12th March 2008, 10:28 PM

Ganesh,

It was not joke. Trust that touched in deep.

regards.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ganeshhity

Thanks cactus...hope you are enjoying the jokes...thanks for the kind words..

ganeshhity · #**506** 13th March 2008, 12:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cactus

Ganesh,

It was not joke. Trust that touched in deep.

regards.

cactus,the reply I wrote was in general and not specific..ya, some humours touch the heart and the jokes compel us to laugh..still, when i go back and see, I can feel that your reply was for a particular post..sorry, i did not notice that...keep enjoying,learning here...
I'm happy that atleast interactions have started here

ganeshhity

ganeshhity · #**507** 13th March 2008, 12:12 PM

Life Is A Race

Winning horse doesn't know why it runs in race,
It runs because of beats and pains.

Life is a race, God is your rider.
So if you are in pain think God wants you to win.

Cactus · #**508** 13th March 2008, 12:21 PM

In race.......peoples bets to .......win/lose.......

Quote:

Originally Posted by ganeshhity

Life Is A Race

Winning horse doesn't know why it runs in race,
It runs because of beats and pains.

Life is a race, God is your rider.
So if you are in pain think God wants you to win.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ganeshhity

So if you are in pain think God wants you to win

Is GOD putting the bet........

mnandini28 · #**509** 13th March 2008, 12:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ganeshhity

Life Is A Race

Winning horse doesn't know why it runs in race,
It runs because of beats and pains.

Life is a race, God is your rider.
So if you are in pain think God wants you to win.

Dear Ganeshhity,

I do not know whether this was meant to be a Joke but this was like an ointment to me. Right now I am facing something that can be called " Corporate Politics " and am definitely in pain (mental). Most probably GOD wants me to win.

Thanks

Nandini

CreditViolet · #**510** 13th March 2008, 09:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mnandini28

Dear Ganeshhity,

I do not know whether this was meant to be a Joke but this was like an ointment to me. Right now I am facing something that can be called " Corporate Politics " and am definitely in pain (mental). Most probably GOD wants me to win.

Thanks

Nandini

Corporate and Politics are synonyms

All work and no play, will make you a manager.

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