Jokes, Humours and shayaris !!!!!!

To live a little, you've got to love a whole lot.
Love turns the ordinary into the extra-ordinary.

Life is a gift we're given each and every day.

Dream about tomorrow, but live for today.
Don't wait for tomorrow.Make memories today.


Life is for living

ganeshhity

HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB?

Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window.

Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door.

Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation.

If they are counting the bricks. Put them in the accounts department.

If they are recounting them.. Put them in auditing.

If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks. Put them in engineering.

If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order. Put them in planning.

If they are throwing the bricks at each ot! her. Put them in operations.

If they are sleeping. Put them in security.

If they have broken the bricks into pieces. Put them in information technology.

If they are sitting idle. Put them in human resources.

If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved. Put them in sales.

If they have already left for the day. Put them in marketing.

If they are staring out of the window. Put them on strategic planning.

And then last but not least. If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been
moved. Congratulate them and put them in top management.
---------

Abhay (AAD)

really nice

just to add my two bits

if they form different groups and hurl charges against each other for doing nothing yet those bricks vanish , make them politician.

if they are all sitting quite and not saying a word yet those bricks vanish, make them Govt servant



pankaj

: ) : )

added more smileys, as web site wants at least 10 chars. put the unnecesary spaces in between smileys as there is a limit to the number of smileys too.

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the
Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a
Lie-Clock.

Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she
never told a lie."

"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"

St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved
twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's President Bush's clock?" asked the man.

"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office.

He's using it as a ceiling fan.

that ceiling fan is infact laloo's clock

ganeshhity

Wise man says...

If you cannot have the girl you love,

Just love the girl you have..

all the best

ganeshhity

Really nice...

AAD

Real Nice Abhay & smart addition by Pankaj Jha.

Pankaj

Subject: our leaders


The following are actual stories provided by a retiring Washington, D.C.
travel agent of 30+ years:

I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat on the airplane
so
that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

I got a call from a Candidate's Staffer, who wanted to go to Capetown. I
started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information
then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid,
but
Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the
stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown
is
in Africa."
Her response ...(click).

A Senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we
did.
I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was
expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible,
since
Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I
looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state!!!"

I got a call from a Lawmakers Wife who asked, "Is it possible to see
England
from Canada?" I said, "No." She said, "But they look so close on the
map."

An Aide for a Bush cabinet member once called and asked if they could
rent a
car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed they had only
a
one-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a
car, he said, "I heard Dallas! was a big airport, and we will need a car
to
drive between the gates to save time."


An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was
possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago
at
8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois,
but
she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her
the
plane went very fast, and she bought that!

A New York lawmaker called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical
description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I
said,
"No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the
airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm
overweight, I
think that is very rude?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I
"looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the
city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT), and that the airline was just putting
a
destination tag on her luggage.

A Senator's Aide called in inquiring about a trip package to Hawaii.
After
going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to
California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, "How do I
know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, to which
he
replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn
planes
have numbers on them."

A Lady Senator called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, FL. Do I
have
to get on one of those little computer planes?" I asked if she meant fly
to
Pensacola, FL on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever!!"

A Senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed
in
order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I
reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many
times
and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough,
his
stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to
China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!"

A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make reservations, "I want to go
from
Chicago to Rhino, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally,
the
agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do
you
have?" replied the lady. After some searching, the agent came back with,
"I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and
can't find a Rhino anywhere." The lady retorted, "Oh don't be silly!
Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of
the
state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?"
That's it! I knew it was a big animal", she admitted!!!

Now you know why government is in the shape that it's in!

ganeshhity