Humour Time

Bored....hence writing some poetry for Stock Murtaza bhai...

My name is Stock Murtaza

Mai Hu Duniya Ka Raja

My Girlfriend is So Shaaza

Jaldi Se Aaja

Mere Dil Me Samaaja

Ooooo Ooo Oooooooooo

Re: Stocks To Keep A Close Eye On

Well, another quiet night eh? Ok, let me post some jokes to enliven the restless night. I don't think our beloved Mr SG would be happy when he sees all these jokes infiltrating his thread but here goes anyway...

Who are brokers?

They are the people who help you to buy, sell and manage your stock investment needs. They are usually the ones who made people broke.

Re: Stocks To Keep A Close Eye On

*What is short position?
A type of trade where, in theory, a person sells stocks he doesn’t actually own. Since this also only ever works in theory, a short position is what a person usually ends up being in a situation of Short of cash.

*My broker and I are working on a retirement plan.
Unfortunately, it’s his!

*A stockbroker is someone who invests your money till it's all gone!

*Q: Why did God create stock analysts ?
A: In order to make weather forecasters look good.

Re: Stocks To Keep A Close Eye On

Something from my side for all who want to double your money

The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Re: Stocks To Keep A Close Eye On

I'm thinking of leaving my husband, complained the broker's wife. "All he ever does is stand at the end of the bed and tell me how good things are going to be."

Re: Stocks To Keep A Close Eye On

What's the difference between buying a lottery ticket and buying a penny stock? In the first case, you help finance your local community swimming pool. In the second case, you help finance the stock promoters home pool.

Re: Stocks To Keep A Close Eye On

Top Ten Movies For Share Traders

1. The Money Pit
2. City Slickers
3. Carry On Regardless
4. Carry On Screaming
5. Titanic
6. Rogue Trader
7. Trading Places
8. Look Back In Anger
9. Casino
10. Buy & Cell

Re: Stocks To Keep A Close Eye On

New Stock Market Terms
CEO — Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO — Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER — What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just down-graded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.

Re: Stocks To Keep A Close Eye On

Q. Why couldn't the Daytraders agree where they should meet to get together?

A. They all wanted to keep their Options open until the last minute.

Re: Stocks To Keep A Close Eye On

The bull is melting!