Saving a suicide

Today(11/3/2005), it has come in the papers in an article, "11 people end their lives every hour" that 300 people commit suicide in India every day and one of the major reasons for that is failure in business, agruculture and share market. Well that makes the post relevant from the mkt point of view as well.

Since I have mentioned Indian idols, I should mention here that Osho referred to a person who was a musician by instinct but forced into surgery by his parents. Osho disuaded him from cursing his parents and he spent the last 15 years of his life on music for personal fulfullment. There is a special procedure called last life regression which is a type of meditation in which they take you to previous life to know what you should be doing in this life. That is what education is supposed to be doing instead of forcing subjects on students and forcing them to commit suicide.

Hi everyone

To-day, a friend informs me that a mother committed suicide, because her son was denied the admission card for the 12th standard exams.

I have a son aged 17 years and a daughter 10 years. Sorry, if I am just narrating my experiences. My son has not been successful in his exams and I have always told him that success at exams is not important for me, success in morality and discipline is important. I had to drive home this point, as my daughter has been securing the 1st rank for the last few years and has also been getting good mention in the school every now and then.

I have been slightly lucky in exams that I stood 26th at an All India Professional Exam and 9th in another All India Profession exam - both connected to accountancy post graduate courses. When I was asked to address students appearing for similar exams, I started off by saying that I have been lucky. All my friends got lesser marks than me but had put in close to 18 hours of study daily, against 10 - 12 hours by me; friends who would not go out of their houses whilst I would regularly go out, hear to radio (there was no television then in my city) every-day and so on and so forth. What I cultivated was that I used to be optimistic (many times not realistic as well); always be stress free and last but not the least faith in God that He would not let me down.

Parents have to play a very important role in moulding their Children's thinking. My parents (both were not educated beyond 5th standard) would always tell me not to over strain, were always soothing me that the exams are always tough, pass percentage is low and one does not have to worry in case he does not pass. I think, I owe a lot to my parents.

In particular, my father has narrated his own experience about exam results more than once. It was his 5th standard results (must have been about 70 years back) and when the teacher read out that my father had passed, my father reminded the teacher that there was a mistake and that there was no way he could have passed. It later turned out that there was another student having a similar name to that of my father and that student's father had sent a bag of wheat to the teacher to ensure his child's passing.

My father would inform us that throughout the year, he would always report late at the school, be totally playful and never attentive. The teacher insisted that my father had indeed passed. What better example of luck playing an important part in passing exams.

All the Best for all relatives of Traderji.com members.

Today(16/3/2004), a mother commited suicide because her daughter did not do well in maths. At this rate we should have something like "SEBI" for saving people against maths. One should round up all the mathematicians and force them to prove themselves in other intelligences; then only this stupid obsession will go.

kkz59 has given an interesting writeup
My father did one of his CA papers so miserably that he did not even go to see the results. His friends came home, took his around for an hour and then after a few expletives(they thought he was lying) , told him that they had failed and he had passed. Thereafter, to this day he has been a firm devotee of Shirdi sai baba.

When I myself was facing the boards, one gentleman came along by chance and told me how fast and frivolosly he had seen teachers check the papers because nobody had the time or the patience to read the same boring stuff again and again. This need not be true for all teachers but is interesting. Luck does play a role.



The real solution is to try and detect the students intelligence instead of trying to stuff facts. One has to encourage them to play their own instrutments in the orchestra of life as Dale Carnegies said in one of his books.

The first step in preventing suicide is to identify and understand the risk factors. A risk factor is anything that increases the likelihood that persons will harm themselves. However, risk factors are not necessarily causes. Research has identified the following risk factors for suicide:

• Previous suicide attempt(s)
• History of mental disorders, particularly depression
• History of alcohol and substance abuse
• Family history of suicide
• Family history of child maltreatment
• Feelings of hopelessness
• Impulsive or aggressive tendencies
• Barriers to accessing mental health treatment
• Loss (relational, social, work, or financial)
• Physical illness
• Easy access to lethal methods
• Unwillingness to seek help because of the stigma attached to mental health and substance abuse disorders or suicidal thoughts
• Cultural and religious beliefs—for instance, the belief that suicide is a noble resolution of a personal dilemma
• Local epidemics of suicide
• Isolation, a feeling of being cut off from other people

Regards,
nkpanjiyar

Untreated depression is the number one cause for suicide.

You are not depressed when you feel sad for a day or two; you are depressed when you experience a prolonged period of sadness that interferes with your ability to function. Depression occurs because of an imbalance of chemicals in the brain. It is an illness. And it is highly treatable.

Unfortunately, many people do not receive treatment for depression, and thus are at risk for suicide.

If anyone have some of these symptoms below, please seek help immediately:

• Feeling sad for two or more weeks
• Feeling lethargic -- feeling like you have no energy
• Unable to concentrate
• Sleeping too much or too little
• Eating too much or too little
• Feeling worthless
• Feeling hopeless
• Feeling helpless
• Feeling negative or pessimisstic
• Losing interest in activities that you previously enjoyed
• Crying frequently
• Withdrawing from others
• Neglecting personal appearance
• Feeling angry
• Feeling guilty
• Unable to think clearly
• Unable to make decisions

Basically, if “the blues” do not go away after two weeks, one may probably have depression. And one need to get treatment. So please make an appointment with a medical doctor and a therapist so that one may be properly evaluated. Many people do not think of going to a medical doctor when they are depressed, but it is an important step because there could be a physical problem beside the chemical imbalance that is causing the depression.

Regards,
nkpanjiyar

My thanks to nkpanjiyar for giving this post a professional touch. I would say that any abnormal pensiveness is dangerous.

I feel more for young people unnecessarily killing themselves. The stupid obsession with maths is like the casting couch in the film industry; many people believe that one cannot succeed without it. In the recent Shakti kapoor controversy, respected producer director Shyam Benegal said that it was all unnecessarily hyped up considering the fact that kapoor was not even a producer. Similarly, with the coming of the personal computer, it is quite ridiculous to kill oneself over maths.

Today it came in the papers that Wicketkeeper Dinesh Karthik was a spinner till some talent development officer of the cricket board saw him wicketkeeping by chance because of the regular guy’s absence and told him to focus on that. How I wish they had such officers is high school and college. Talking of cricket, I had taken my son to Former test cricketer and member of world cup winning team Madan lal who told me, “ Many parents are obsessed with making their sons cricketers but that is a god gifted talent. My job is to guide cricketers and not produce them and so if I don’t see the merit in the child, I advice the parents to let the child concentrate on what he is good at instead of wasting my and his time”. What a wonderful answer. I wonder sometimes why nobody has killed himself over having failing in cricket- its much more high profile and paying than maths.
Even shoaib Malik, Ravi Shastri and Majid Khan were bowlers before they became batsmen. Why not discover one's skills instead of focussing on deficiencies?

In the recent Indo-Pak series, former pak Captain Imran khan said,” You can’t coach somebody to bat or bowl better but you can train him to field better”. One of the greatest all rounders saying that Moral of the story- don’t be obsessed with all round intelligence or even any particular intelligence- discover and do your own thing.

The latest India Today dt March 28 has “Killer Exams” on its cover.

For those interested, in the article it is described how students in different parts of the country felt pressurized by eams apart from mental institutes and psychiatrists also complaining of high stress levels by students

I have already written too much but in the article there is this mention of the board exams “determining the entire lives of children” and looked upon as “the end of the world. “. All this is selectively true because a lot of people who do well in exams do not do as well in practical life and vice-versa.

It is heartening to note that the authorities are taking steps to relieve burden by taking the exams in two stages and grading students according to their abilities and interests.

There is also stress on judging reasoning and intelligence ability instead of memory

The funny part is that many teachers have failed in exams meant for students

The article ends with Socrates “ Education is the kindling of a flame, not filling of a vessel”. I have said earlier that the latin meaning of the word education is to draw out what is already in and not blindly stuff in. How can a teacher teaching a class of 40 ever achieve that god alone knows. They really need to be proactive about determining people’s real potential- run after humotech instead of bio or infotech.

Consider these statistics:

• Boys are four times more likely to commit suicide.
• Boys are three times more likely than girls to be victims of violence.
• Male students have lower educational aspirations.
• Boys are fifty percent more likely to be held back a grade than girls.
• Boys are substantially more likely to endure disciplinary problems, be suspended from classes or actually drop out from school entirely.

For a long time it has been girls and their issues that get attention. But now, it has become more important than ever to focus on emotions and feelings of boys. It is easy to deal with girl’s emotions since they are more verbal with their feelings and express it in ways that makes it easy to provide the needed support. However, since boys have a different and more indirect way of dealing with emotions it is easy to neglect their needs.

In our society, people have certain expectations as to how boys should process and express emotions. From the time he is old enough to understand, a boy is taught to 'behave like a man.' If he is hurt, he is told not to cry, for that is what girls do. He is praised for being strong, for enduring pain without whimpering, for being brave. He is discouraged from showing 'soft' emotions like tenderness, lest he be ridiculed by his friends. Understanding boy’s behaviors empowers us to help boys deal with emotions effectively.

Some of the methods boys use to process their feelings include slamming doors, burying themselves in some activity like playing a videogame, exercising, going into their cave to be left alone and problem solving. This is different from the techniques girls use to deal with their feelings, which usually include crying and talking to someone. Because of their indirect nature it is sometimes easy to overlook boys behaviors as signs of trouble. By appreciating the structural differences between males and females, we can understand boys while helping them manage their sentiments. We have to create safety zones for boys by understanding and recognizing their emotional needs and create an inviting and caring environment for them.

Regards,
nkpanjiyar

Today(24/4/2004) there is again mention of couple of suicides in the “Hindustan Times” one of which is career related. There is a writeup on building up of stress levels because parents consider their children “good for nothing” . In the Times of India former P&G MD Gurcharan Das writes how he was a career dabbler while in college and dabbled in everything enginerring, chemistry, economics, literature etc before finally settling for MBA , an executive life and retired as a writer. Famous actor Balraj Sahni too tried his hand at his father’s business, magazine editing, sevagram, shantiniketan, radio broadcasting in London , acting in bolywood and finally writing like Mr Das.

Mr Das has also criticized the “Science/Arts/Commerce” demarcation and the tendency to label arts people as idiots. Although he mentions the onerous board exam is passing, the whole article is a reflection of the fact one should be more obsessed with knowing what one is good at and try and excel in that rather than running blindly after knowledge and qualifications. We end with a quote from an HRD consultant in Assam

“ Many people get taken in by the lure of qualifications and money. Later on when they find that they are unsuitable for their jobs, they face a lifetime of pain and suffering”

So both from the career suicide point of view and living death point of view, Mr Das’s article is very relevant

Today(28/8/2005), in an article in the times of India, Wipro Chairman Azim Premji stated that teachers should be more like gardners than potters- they should try to bring out the potential already there in the child instead of trying to mould him into their and the parents own preconceived notions. He said that at Wipro too everybody was encouraged to do meaningful and fulfilling work- the profits took care of themselves.

Since we began with student suicides and this to my mind is one of the prime reasons why students commit suicide, I felt it was worth a mention.